For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
