I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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