i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
