i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
