I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
