Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
