Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
