So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
