ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
