i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
