I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
