none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
