I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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