Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
