woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
