You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
