Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
