Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Your penis caused this!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
