First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
