My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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