I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We have started to decorate penises.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The ass gains better be worth it
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