my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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