gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
