I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
