I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
