help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
