Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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