the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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