we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm at about main and main street
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
