so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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