Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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