I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
