actually, I'm a sock model
My friends, they love my intelligence
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have post one night stand depression
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