i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
