Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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