Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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