i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
