id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
