my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
