I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
