I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
