The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
