i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just pynch a tree in the face
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can I color on your dick again?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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