did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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