you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
