Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
