Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
