i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
