I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
