the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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