From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
