after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
