we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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