hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
