Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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