I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
