Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
