did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
