I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
